I read an essay the other day entitled "African Roots of the African American Family". This essay was talking about the different kinds of black family groupings that we have in our society today. It discussed the fact that there was a "form of family life and communal living" that was carried over from Africa to America. Then it went on to interestingly talk about the different roles that a black male and a black female play in a family. These were all part of the "deficit-deficiency model". Which is basically the typical stereotype for a black family. Either the Mom is raising the children on her own while the father is rarely or never around, leaving the kids having to try and grow up on their own. Personally I can relate to this type of family because i am from a single parent home. My mother having sometimes playing both the father and the mother roles in my life. And then I thought to my self how white children will tell their parents "am going to Bobby's house or My friends house for a sleep over or a party etc". But for blacks its something along the lines of "ama be at aunty house for the weekend". The extended family model is just the opposite of the above model. Where both parents are present and even grandparents, uncles and aunts are present. My question is this, how does a child who is brought up in a single parent household different from that brought up with both parents? With much thought, speculation and couple of minutes asking my mother and a couple of family friends, My answer is this. It all depends on the way the parents bring up their children. The values they are thought and the moral ethics they are trained to respect. Just because in a single family home, the father is not there or in some cases the mother is not there, we as blacks should not use that as an excuse to let our kids go astray. Because kids in a home with both parents are also making bad decisions. Yes there is a necessity for both parents to be there to teach the child life lessons from both perspectives. Just because one of the other is not there didn't warrant that as an excuse for parents to allow their kids to jeopadize their future. Some parents find it hard to connect with their kids mainly because they cannot understand each other. Take for example it will be pretty hard for a mom to teach his son how to shave or knot a tie. That is something they are supposedly to learn from their fathers. And vise versa. It will be hard for a father to understand his daughter when she starts going through her period and things of that nature. So without that significant other in their life they try to withdraw or stay away from their parents in fear of awkwardness or shame and try to figure it out on their own; forcing them to grow up too fast.We need to stop making excuses for our children. Like the ever so popular" his father/mother was never thats why he did that". No if you had taught him that what he was doing was wrong it would have never occurred. I really just think we need to raise our children in a way that will break ourselves away from the every day stereotypes that black families face in america.
Kimbo
